Welcome to America

What is it about the people that work in the immigration service in Florida? Whenever I fly into this state I encounter some of the most obnoxious people imaginable. The last time i came here, A decade ago, the airports used to employ a guy to tell the mickey hungry, jet lagged Brits to "stand behind the line". If so much as a millimeter of your shoe was over that line, it was cause enough for you to be verbally reprimanded.

This dude has clearly been promoted to sit behind the desk in Miami. What follows is a transcript of my latest welcome to Florida...

Saturday November 19th 2011. 4am.

Following a nine hour flight from Rio, NICK walks upto the immigration desk and hands over his passport to ANGRY DUDE.

NICK
Hi.

Angry Dude flicks thru passport.

ANGRY DUDE
(shouting) What are you doing here??

NICK
Errr, touring.

ANGRY DUDE
(getting louder) where?

NICK
Orlando, Texas, Detroit and New York.

ANGRY DUDE
WHAT???

NICK
Err, Orlando, Tex...

ANGRY DUDE
(interrupting) you got ESTA??

ESTA is an online travel authorization that Nick paid $14 for several months ago. There is NO need for Angry Dude to see a physical copy because its an online system.

NICK
I've done an ESTA, you want to see it?

ANGRY DUDE
(getting even angrier) I HAVE to see it.

A tired Nick opens his backpack, pulls out a red folder and frantically starts looking for the illusive ESTA form. After about fourteen seconds, Angry Dude loses his last remaining shred of patience.

ANGRY DUDE
What's ya job?

NICK
Health worker.

Angry dude thunderously stamps the passport and says nothing.

NICK
Can I go?

ANGRY DUDE
(nods) huh

Nick walks onwards to the baggage carousel.